Inuyasha Crack
by Eighth Saga
Summary: Miroku's Hentai Charms, they're spiritually delicious! This and other 'stories'... Do not come expecting sanity.


Inuyasha Crack

And so it begins….

xXx

"Miroku! What did you do with that shi-ri-a-ru Kagome got for me?" Shippo called, doing his best to follow the monk's scent through the woods.

Crouched behind a bush some yards away, Miroku whispered conspiratorially, "He's after my Hentai Charms. Haha! No one can catch my marshmallow shapes!" He proceeded to skitter away to the next bush.

"My Hentai Charms have five marshmallow shapes," he pointed out with pride. Big, translucent images of the marshmallows appeared as he named them, "Prayer beads and ofuda, stars and… Wait, stars? It's houshi, not hoshi!"

In the distance Inuyasha's voice could be heard, "Oi, bouzu! If you don't get back here soon we'll go search for shikon shards without you!"

The translucent shape reluctantly changed itself from a star to a round, pink, orb. "Ah, that's better. Shikon jewels and kitten Kiraras, and… What's this? A new marshmallow shape? It's Sango's butt!" Miroku visibly swallowed and grinned. "That's right, folks, for a limited time inside marked packages of Hentai Charms you will get Sango's butt marshmallows!"

Suddenly Inuyasha burst out of the woods with Kagome in tow, running right towards the mischievous monk. "Stop goofing around, bouzu."

"Yeah, and give Shippo back his cereal!" Kagome chimed in.

"Oh no, they've found me!" Miroku exclaimed, attempting to dart away.

Inuyasha caught him by the back of his robe and began dragging him back to camp. "Come on, baka."

Miroku gave a patented 'woe is me' sigh. "Miroku's Hentai Charms; they're spiritually delicious!"

oOo

It was getting towards evening at the little camp inhabited by Lord Sesshoumaru of the Western Lands, his retainer, Jaken, and the human girl he had saved, Rin.

Rin was making daisy chains and had a pile of berries next to her. Suddenly she looked up and into the nearby forest. "I think I heard something, Sesshoumaru-sama!"

The youkai lord regarded the little girl stoically, "This Sesshoumaru also heard it. It was a rabbit."

"It could be a youkai, Sesshoumaru-sama!" Rin pointed out fearfully.

Sesshoumaru was somewhat puzzled by his little charge's behavior. "It wasn't. And in any case you know that nothing could ever surpass this Sesshoumaru."

"Don't worry Sesshoumaru-sama!" Rin said comfortingly, gesturing towards the pile of berries, "The antioxidants will protect me!"

pPp

Some years before the time traveling miko Kagome ever fell into feudal Japan, Kaede, still a middle-aged woman, met with Totosai to perform experiments with various herbs.

"So this…liquid…has what in it?" Totosai asked in apprehension.

"I don't know, I've never seen it before," Kaede admitted with near-equal apprehension. "I don't think it's supposed to grow in Japan. I think I'll call it… Guarana."

"Guarana, eh?" mused Totosai, eyes still fixed on the mysterious potion.

"So…ah…who will try it first?" Kaede asked.

The two looked at each other.

"I have a…three-eyed cow?" Totosai put in hopefully.

They stared at each other for another moment before falling about in relief in unison.

"Great idea! A three-eyed cow."

"Called Momo," Totosai added.

"Called Momo," Kaede conceded. "Momo will be the first in Japan to try this…guarana."

And so they put the guarana mixture in a bucket and offered it to Momo, the three-eyed cow. Momo sniffed at it doubtfully before giving a hesitant lick at the liquid.

The change was instantaneous. Momo's three eyes opened as wide and round and iris-less as Totosai's. She lapped eagerly at the bucket and was soon starting to lift off from the ground and fly.

"Wow," said Totosai. It was all the that really needed to be said. But he said something else anyway. "What are you going to call that drink?"

Kaede stared at the floating three-eyed cow and said decisively, "Three-Eyed Cow, it gives you levitation!"

Unfortunately, despite their searching, Kaede and Totosai never again found guarana in Japan.

qQq

Hmm? Oh, I don't know either. It just kinda...came into my brains, where it then transferred itself to my computer, which had itself put on the inter-webbz, where you read it.

Well, that's about it, kids. But remember this: ADIDAS

All

Day

I

Dream

About

Sesshoumaru

Never forget that, and all will be well…

yYy

Glossary!

Normally I wouldn't bother, but the houshi-hoshi thing needs to be explained.

Hoshi: Star

Houshi (elongated vowel): Monk

Bouzu: Priest, Ofuda: Little bits of magic paper, Sama: Name suffix that expresses lots of respect, generally translated as "Lord", etc. You guys should know those ones of you've been in Inuyasha fanfiction for a while.


End file.
